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The
Top Six Bond Shags!
Due out
in November, Die Another Day promises to have a very steamy sex scene.
But what are the six best ever? Clive Morris investigates

6
Jill Masterton
Goldfinger |
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Friend or Foe: At number
six, a once disloyal employee. Jill quickly hands over the reins to
Bond ,
helping him outcheat Auric Goldfinger at cards.
Your Place or Mine: Having outwitted his nemesis, 007 unwisely
stays at the scene of the crime - a Miami hotel room.
Sizzle rating: Proof that not only gentlemen prefer blondes,
so do gold-obsessed, teutonic psychopaths (though that doesn't have
the same ring to it). This kittenish creature is clearly unfazed by
the prospect of a P45.
Post-coital: No hope of a return match as their post-coital
bliss is cut short by hatted henchman Oddjob. Jill ends up dead and
painted gold - a golden handshake gone wrong.
Innuendo: 'Something big's come up.' |
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5
Major Anya Amasova
(codename:
TripleX) The Spy Who Loved Me
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Friend
or Foe: Another who crosses over to Bond's
side, in the interests of Anglo-Russo relations and a good shag.
Your Place or Mine: Like the Martini ad of its day, any time,
any place, anywhere...
Sizzle rating: Not to be confused with Vin Diesel's muscleman
xXx, this Russian agent makes her first appearance in bed -
a bold declaration of intent. Despite her willingness to get it on
in hotel rooms, trains and a mini-sub, she's a tease from beginning
to end.
Post-coital: Makes it to the final furlong, but it takes a
bottle of champagne to break the ice.
Innuendo: Italian's not one of her languages |
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4
Tiffany Case
Diamonds
are Forever |
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Friend
or Foe Crosses over to Bond's side, aided
by a devotion to larceny.
Your Place or Mine Mainly hotel rooms. She must enjoy room
service.
Sizzle rating Ruthless with love rivals (one is dispatched
from a hotel window), Ms Case is a somewhat confused character, starting
out as a blonde, turning brunette then ending up a redhead. Shows
that diamonds can turn a girl's head, however.
Post-coital Lounging with a cigarette on waterbed inhabited
by exotic fish. Class.
Innuendo 'Really James, I'm very impressed. There's a lot more
to you than I imagined.' |
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3
Xenia Onatopp
Goldeneye
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Friend or Foe This foe's
as feisty as they come
Your Place or Mine The main action occurs in a Russian sauna
room
Sizzle rating: No need to add cold water to the coals - things
get pretty steamy. Minus marks though for never actually doing the
deed. Xenia's attempt to crush Bond's spine between her thighs probably
has something to do with it. Perestroika, it seems, had its limits
Post-coital Our man gets on top of the situation, but Brosnan's
Bond hasn't knowingly slept with a Bad Girl yet. Xenia ends up dead
in a tree
Innuendo
Xenia: 'You don't need the gun, Commander.'
Bond: 'That depends on your definition of safe sex.' |
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2
Sylvia Trench
Dr
No
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Friend
or Foe Friend - and, in 1962, the very first Bond girl of all.
Your
Place or Mine She surprises Bond in his flat.
Sizzle
rating Clad only in Bond's shirt while practising golf, she certainly
puts our spy off his stroke. Even today, her brazen pick-up at the
casino gets full marks for shamelessness. 'Sexual intercourse began
in 1963' wrote poet Philip Larkin. Not for Bond, it didn't.
Post-coital
Intended to be a regular in the series, Sylvia was unceremoniously
dumped after just 2 films.
Innuendo
'But
I haven't
eaten yet... I'm starving.' |
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1
Fatima Blush
Never Say Never
Again |
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Friend
or Foe: And at number one - Foe!
Your
Place or Mine: On a boat in Nassau, the Bahamas. Later she and
Bond are attacked by sharks with laser beams attached to their heads
- really.
Sizzle
rating: "The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me by Fatima
Blush," dictates the femme fatale. Bond agrees, but then he does have
a rather large gun aimed at his privates.
Post-coital:
Fatima's innards ended up splattered over a stone wall, while co-star
Kim Basinger went on to Oscar-winning acting glory
Innuendo:
'Going down, one should always be relaxed'.
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Clive's
Verdict: It certainly pays to be a bad girl
if you want to set the screen sizzling. No wonder Miss Moneypenny never
gets any bedroom action from her MI6 colleague. The poor love's probably
too busy working out the coffee roster But is Pierce Brosnan's Bond just
too nice to mix it with the femme fatales? Forget the on-screen humping
shenanigans. His 007 should pal up with Naomi Campbell or
maybe Tory wife Christine Hamilton - if he really wants a night
to remember.
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